The truth hurts, doesn't it, Hapsburg? Oh sure, maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing . . .
Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here.
Terrific. I'm about to get killed a million miles from nowhere with a gung-ho iguana who tells me to relax.
The sky's blue, the water's wet, women have secrets.
The moose says you're closed. I say you're open.
Terri likes to talk during sex. Last night she called me from the hotel.
Personal note: when I was little my mother told me not to stare into the sun, so when I was six, I did.
Some people never go crazy. What miserable lives they must lead.
They call me frog.
I'm so rich. I wish I had a dime for every dime I had.
If it bleeds, we can kill it.
This is most important of all: when it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.
You see, in this world there's two kinds of people, my friend. Those with loaded guns, and those who dig. You dig.
No man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive.
How extravagant you are, throwing away women like that. Someday they may be scarce.
I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Mister, I love the way you wear that hat.
When I walk down the street people will look at me and say 'There he goes . . . the best there ever was.
I feel like an idiot, but I am an idiot, so it kind of works out.
I think we just picked up dracula.
I know a gentleman who looks like you. In fact, he looks more like you than you do yourself.
Irony can be pretty ironic sometimes.
I don't know anyone who could get through the day without two or three juicy rationalizations. They're more important than sex.
Your request is not unlike your lower intestine: stinky and full of danger.
When you break all the laws of physics, do you seriously think there won't be a price?
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side.
I may be synthetic, but I'm not stupid.
Back off, man. I'm a scientist.
This guy will kill you to death inside of three rounds.
Pot's a misdemeanor. Decapitation seems a bit severe.
Whatever you do, don't fall asleep.
Send a maniac to catch a maniac.
Verbal ability is a highly over-rated thing in a guy, and it's our pathetic need for it that gets us in so much trouble.
I'm the guy who's telling you the way it is.
He's got a client who shot his wife in the head six times. Six times, can you imagine it? I mean, even twice would have been excessive, don't you think?
Carlotta was the kind of town where they spelled trouble T-R-U-B-I-L, and if you tried to correct them, they killed you.
Most of the men in this town think monogomy is some kind of wood.
You make it with some of these chicks, they think you gotta dance with them.
Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.
You talking to me?
Mom! Dad! Don't touch it, it's evil!
This jacket symbolizes my indivuduality and my belief in personal freedom.
Oh, I thought they smelled bad on the outside.
That's not a knife.
What's the matter, man? The food ain't THAT bad?
Mistakes? We don't make mistakes.
Most people don't know how they're going to feel from one moment to the next. But a dope fiend has a pretty good idea All you got to do is look at the labels on the little bottles.
I mean, it is real hard to be free when you are bought and sold in the marketplace.
How does a girl like you get to be a girl like you?
OK you people. Sit tight, hold the fort, keep the homefires burning. And if we're not back by dawn, call the president.
No such thing bad student. Only bad teacher.
I need your clothes, boots, and your motorcycle.
You can't fight in here, this is the war room!
Well what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't today.
Nobody leaves this place without singing the blues.
I see dead people.
Kill a few people, they call you a murderer. Kill a million and you're a conqueror.
Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!
The crowd has gone deadly silent. A cinderalla story out of nowhere. Former greenskeeper and now about to become the masters champion.
If they find out you've seen this, your life will be worth less than a truckload of dead rats in a tampon factory.
You call this a happy family? Why do we have to have all these kids?
Yes, I'm a Mormon. That's why I just smoked a pack of Newports and drank three vodka tonics.
We all go a little mad sometimes.
I like the cream of some young man.
Oh, I'm sorry. Did I break your concentration?
Men learn to love the woman they're attracted to, and women become more attracted to the person they love
You ask for miracles, Theo. I give you the FBI.
Gimme some sugar, baby.
Let me tell you a little story about a man named SHHH-.
Elvis is not dead; he just went home.
Back then I thought there'll be other days. I didn't realize that was the only day.
Movies don't create psychos. Movies just make psychos more creative.
This was to be my final hit. But lets be clear about this. There's final hits and final hits. What kind was this to be?
Your father's one sick mother . . . actually, your mother is one sick mother too.
Anything I wanted was a phone call away.
You either surf or you fight.
Congratulations, James. Youv'e got your own little war.
You won't accept a guy's tongue in your mouth, and you're going to eat that?
I'm your friend to the end. Wanna play?
I'm NOT the messiah!.
I'll die if I don't get that recipe. I'll die if I don't get that recipe. I'll die if I don't get that recipe.
Doesn't take long for the world to fall apart, does it?
Blowing away a fleeing suspect with my magnum .44 used to mean everything to me, I enjoyed it. Well who wouldn't?
When a man is chasing a woman in the park, naked with a butcher's knife in his hand, I don't think he'll be collecting for the red cross.
Where am I going to find a piece of metal here, in space, at this hour?
They say I shed innocent blood. What's blood for, if not shedding?
It's not an easy thing to meet your maker.
I have crossed oceans of time to find you.
Can I borrow your underpants for ten minutes?
Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.
I'm going to suck your brain dry.
I thought we'd be friends forever.
If something's worth doing, it's worth doing for money.
He doesn't know how to use the three seashells.
I could never be a woman. If I were, I would just sit at home all day playing with my breasts.
Badges? We ain't got no badges. I don't have to show you any stinking badges.
Um, well sir, I ain't a for real cowboy, but I am one hell of a stud!
If I were to send you flowers, where would I...wait, let me rephrase: if I were to let you SUCK MY TONGUE, would you be grateful?
Oh, he was just funny-looking. More than most people even.
Suddenly, I remembered my Charlemaigne.
Does this proposition entail my dressing up as Little Bo Peep?
You shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize.
I am not under any orders to make the world a better place.
All right, pop quiz.
I can lay you out and fill your mouth with your mother's feces. Or, we can talk.
Not many people know what their life's worth. I do. Seventy-thousand dollars.
I want an official Red Ryder, carbine-action 200-shot range-model air rifle.
Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
I'll be taking these Huggies, and, um, whatever cash you got.
I do wish we could chat longer, but I'm having an old friend for dinner.
If I teach you sex, I have to give you sex for homework.
All we are is dust in the wind, dude.
I'd probably feel worse if I wasn't under such heavy sedation.
If I wake up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I couldn't be more surprised.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
Always play with their minds.
How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?
Dad, I don't think I'm going to do Hamster-style anymore.
If you hold back anything, I'll kill ya. If you bend the truth or I think you're bending the truth, I'll kill ya. If you forget anything, I'll kill ya. In fact, you're going to have to work very hard to say alive.
